is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
