wakey wakey hands off snakey
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
