apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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