Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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