It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
