I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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