i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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