the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
