craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
