How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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