he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
