It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize