apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
