Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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