Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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