We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
