I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
