I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
