i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
