How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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