you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize