i think my tv is drunk
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well I just put wine in my tea
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
