Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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