I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Randomize
