you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
