my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
