Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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