OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
