Define "chronic" masturbator.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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