the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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