Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
