And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
