Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize