The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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