No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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