where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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