My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
