if i can run in heels then i can drive
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize