Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
