In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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