I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize