Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
