I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
