Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
