I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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