she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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