need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
