the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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