His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
All the doctor said was why
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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