i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
