ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
