I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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