i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize