if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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