Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
