people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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