u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
