sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
