This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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