Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
