So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
