but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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