white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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