weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
