we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
