guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
