Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
