I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize