I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
