i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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