Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
