my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
