just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
