I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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