don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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