The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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