Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Never underestimate the power of titties
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
