That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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