Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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