alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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