So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
