fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
