New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
