hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
