Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
