So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize