You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I got her a Nickelback box set.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
