Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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