Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
