But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
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