That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
