I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
