dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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