Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
