OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
