dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
