Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
