i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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