Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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