i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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