He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
