We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
porn star boner night. come get it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
