Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
