where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
