I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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