so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
