At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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